Apologies

I'm sorry i'm letting you see me like this.
I'm down, it's not your fault, and I cannot keep
from selfishly dragging you out of the sun
to sit with my shadow until I light up.

I'm sorry for not letting myself feel everything
you've offered to me, in pure and kind words
In moments of silence that say even more
that I could dare say in a thousand sad poems.

I'm sorry for trying to push you away -
you never noticed, but I did none the less
I tried to convince myself I didn't care
so I might spare you from my infinite duress.

I'm sorry for not knowing better than this
For i should have known what I felt in each kiss
was not a mirage of someone else's love
just us. even better - a new heart to touch.

I'm not crazy I swear

If I had known that I would fall so hard
that i would break the floor beneath your feet
I doubt i would have slowed myself enough
to be able to change a single thing.

It seemed to happen all too fast to see
what changed your heart and mind so rapidly.
still reeling from confusion in the hurt
i did not know i'd drive the nail more deep.

I'll never know what first had made you run
though i know what made you run faster still.
I cannot blame you, i would have run too
but it does naught to stay the hurt I feel

Now you leave me no chance to offer thanks
for saving me from the eye of the storm.
yet broken as i sit in wreckage here
i cannot figure out what I should feel.