Apologies

I'm sorry i'm letting you see me like this.
I'm down, it's not your fault, and I cannot keep
from selfishly dragging you out of the sun
to sit with my shadow until I light up.

I'm sorry for not letting myself feel everything
you've offered to me, in pure and kind words
In moments of silence that say even more
that I could dare say in a thousand sad poems.

I'm sorry for trying to push you away -
you never noticed, but I did none the less
I tried to convince myself I didn't care
so I might spare you from my infinite duress.

I'm sorry for not knowing better than this
For i should have known what I felt in each kiss
was not a mirage of someone else's love
just us. even better - a new heart to touch.